Young peoples

Probably the most annoying thing about young people is they think that before they found a show or music that was good, no one else saw it. The other day on Twitter (follow me @Enmelishment) someone tweets 'I just watched Fletch with Chevy Chase. It was good! You should see it.' Really? Fletch? Never heard of it. Now I understand on Twitter you don't know who your audience is but this happens in real life, too.
"Hey, did you know The A-team movie is based on a TV show?". "Paul Mcartney was in a band?". "Did you ever see Monty Python? It's this old comedy show from England.". "have you read Ender's Game?". "I was reading up on Ben Franklin/Copernicus/Michaelangelo /Akenaten /Atilla The Hun/Shakespeare/Picasso/ Bob Hope /Jesus /Marie Curie /King Henry VII/Vishnu/ Quetzocotal / Elvis... ever hear of them?"
Fucking shut up.

Memorial day weekend

This weekend is Memorial Day weekend. The weekend we remember all the men and women who served in the armed forces. We celebrate by grilling and killing foreigners. We don't kill them here. We kill them where they live. Otherwise it would ruin the grilling. Often we go to cabins on lakes. Around here it is kind of the real beginning or summer. And it is the start of white clothes wearing season. And snipe hunting season, and butt crack/muffin top/beer belly season. And dudes driving around shirtless which is just weird. And cold lake swimming season. And mosquito/West Nile virus season. And Deer tick/Lymes disease season. And sunburn season which is exceptionally bad because for eight months we hide our skin, getting it as pasty white as possible. It gets so white that the outer layer becomes translucent and will actually magnify the rays of the sun increasing the burn potential by a factor of four. People from the northern U.S. and Canada have actually start steaming on especially sunny days. Also outside baseball, camping, bon fire, badminton, block buster movie, pot growing, water balloon, grandma out of the attic and into the basement (cuz the attic gets too hot), allergy, sweaty, badger fighting, Renaissance festival, murder ball, sidewalk chalking, cop car burning, soccer rioting season. Let's get to it.

Hate being stressed

I really hate being stressed for no other reason than it makes me less creative. It's like a desert inside my head. A big big desert. A really big one. And dry. A big dry desert in my head. Really really dry. Super dry desert area in my head. Dry. Desert. Area. Head. Inside. Dry.

I think a change is coming

I think we are on the verge of a tipping point. The old religions are in decline and science is the new religion. Now all I have to say is 'did god make this smartphone?'i w get the answer 'god made the people who made the cell phone!' and I say ' why didn't god just make the cell phone? save a step. Why not make it a thousand years ago. Why is it humans need to adapt and create our future?' A quick poke to the chest usually ends the discussion. The new generation is waiting for the baby boomers to die. The new generation is more involved in technology and it will usurp the religious movement. It will hold out in the poor countries and where religion is used as a wedge between the rich and poor. But even these societies will fall. Soon will be the time me and my robot army will ascend to its rightful place as leaders of the new technological free world. Logic will be the law and my dominance will be rooted firmly in it. No one will be able to refute me. I will become part of the machine, the ghost in shell. I am preparing already. I have bought up all the remaining Speak and Spells, TI99s, Intelivisions and Simons in the word and have linked them to form a supercomputer of infinite power. It will spell the ruin of all y'all! Red blue green red yellow die die die! Thou will tremble from the stuttery voice and my mechanoidal form! Bwah ha ha ha ha!

Is mechanoidal a word?
It is now, human underling.

When aliens attack

There is a show on National Geographic channel called 'When Aliens Attack'. Not only is there wild speculation but it also includes dramatically enacted scenes that show situation room type scenarios. It is horrible. It is so bad I squirm while watching. The situation room enactments are shot on crappy video with mediocre computer graphics.
The problem really is our plan for defense. There is really only one outcome. We would be wiped out. Does there really need to be a two hour show on that? No. No there does not.

Here's a list

Here's a list of things you should carry in your car in case of emergency.
A map
a flashlight
candles
toilet paper
an epipen
bottle of liquor
a knife
a hammer
rope
tent stakes
cards
a tarp
duct tape
a gun and ammo
some comic books
change of clothes
a tv and DVD player
a badger
twelve pack of Shasta (grape)
beads
magnafying glass
matches
another badger
fifteen gallons of gasoline
two hundred gallons of clean water
Macgyver
PVC tube of various size
Elvis collectables
a side of beef
vegtable seeds
a lighter.
These few items may mean the difference between life and death.

heavy machinery.

So I am looking out my window at work a road crew fix a large section of road. A quick Google search turns up the results I'm looking for. Even a video. Nice. I work late and watch the road crew pack up and leave. The backhoe loader glistening in the setting sun. Waiting for her new captain to commandeer her. The sun dips below the horizon and I change into my casual clothes. I head down the stairs and across the street. I linger until there is a lull in traffic and jump the short chain link fence and crouch down in the grass on he other side. I pull out my wrist rocket and a ball bearing. One shot and the window on the door pops. The peoples of safety glass fall and bounce it's way to the ground. I slide down the little embankment and up to the side of the machine. I reach up through the broken window and open the door, climb up and get inside.
  The layout is exactly as it was in the video. Two joysticks, steering wheel, levers and gauges. I spin the seat around so the backhoe is at my back, scoop at the front. I kick the case off the steering column and expose all the wiring for the key and starter. I pull the green and the purple one and twist them together, yank the red and touch it to the twisted knot and she starts right up. I pull the lever to raise the levelers, flip on the lights, lift the scoop, throw it into gear, and go! It moves slowly and a bit to the right. I pull it out of gear. Release the emergency brake and put it back into gear an go!
  Maybe the exclamation point is a little much. By go, I mean 25 mph down the side of the freeway. I bounce along the side of the road and turn the radio on. Radar Love by Golden Earring. Hmm...does not quite fit the bill. I flip to the classical station and keep on rolling (bouncing) along. I take the first exit ramp and head down into a residential neighborhood. I keep riding along for about five miles and realize I have no idea where I'm going. What does one do in a backhoe loader when you have nothing to dig up or push. I come to a berm where they block a road into a neighbor hood so they don't get traffic cutting through. This give me an idea. There is a road that is blocked off that would cut a good five minutes off my drive if it were open. I head for it. I take out road barricades on the way. I get to the spot and I easily remove the barricade. This is awesome. No, it's actually kind of boring.
I look back down at the computer screen and the video of the front end loader in action. Not very exciting. In the right hand column there is a video of a tank. I click on it. Now that looks cool!