Friday, July 1, 2011

1'st Convergence: day 1

So I got to CONvergence and checked in. So I did. I wandered around for a while, hit the vendor booths and a couple of panels. Pretty standard stuff. Then I saw it.
My nemesis. Pikachu. Mother fucker must die.
Back-story here is that when I was young I was at a Pokemon get together and tragedy struck.I was in the final round and had nearly defeated my opponent when she dropped Pikachu on my sorry ass and before I had time to adjust, it was over. I had lost. The event was so traumatic that whenever I see Pikachu I flip out. It was either that or the time a guy dressed as Pikachu broke into my house and murdered my family in front of me and then painted me yellow and kept me in his basement for three years as his Pikachu Jr. slave. Probably losing the game though.
So, back to the story, I see Pikachu from across the room. My eyes fixed upon him, welling with tears, squint menacingly. I start with a walk, to jog, to run, to full on shoulder down locomotion. Pikachu sees me, but it is too late. Jolly little bastard can't react fast enough. My juggernaut inertia and resolve plow into it and we are airborne. We hit the ground a full fifteen feet from the impact site and the thunderclap is enormous. The shockwave scatters video, role playing and board gamers alike. I bounce off Pikachu and land on all fours ready to pounce again. Pikachu is down for the count. I jump to its side and put a boot to its guts screaming "Who's you daddy now, Pika, Pika, Pikachu?!?"
I have bested my nemesis. I put my foot on its head, hand on the knee, and look around. "Well?" I ask the crowd. My hands are doing the up wave to encourage the applause. None.
I look around and see a group of lightweights headed toward me with Con employee badges on. I could take them at one or two at a time but a group of seven or eight is a little much. I break into a run. I head for the pool area at a full run and dodge through a party room. I clip a couple of geeks on the way through and am through the door. I push off a hall way wall and head up the steps. I figure the gap between the pursuers will give me a chance to fight them off if I have to.
I turn right and head down the hall, reach the end and turn again. If I can lose them long enough I may be able to make a quick change and fool them into thinking I had left. I look ahead and see more heading from around the corner. They split up and were using knock off Star Trek communicators to trap me. It worked...almost.I jump into a party suite. There are black lights and a Skepchick logo painted on the floor. Nice. I head for the balcony. There is an ottoman right up against the rail. I look over and see Rebecca Watson drinking a shot out of a test tube served by a lovely woman in a lab coat. Hot. I step on the ottoman and onto the rail. I am free falling into a group dressed as the X-men getting their picture taken by the video game booths. I land hard splaying the group asunder. I am up and running. or trying to. I have a Wolverine claw stuck in my leg. In my artery. And there is blood. lots of it. It is not a clean would. It is a bleeder. I look up and see Pikachu looking at me as I start to stumble. As I fall. I am losing consciousness. I can feel the foot of Pikachu on my head and hear the applause. MY applause! Pikachu, you have bested me again.

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