Thursday, December 30, 2010


Tomorrow is new years eve. Resolutions are common so I decided to make some. Some will be easy and some will be hard to keep but I might as well put it down on 'paper'. So here we go...
I resolve to eat better.
I resolve to shed fifteen pounds.
I resolve to procrastinate less.
I resolve to use my middle finger less while driving.
I resolve to use my gun less while driving.
I resolve to just use my gun less in other situatons. Plus I will save a few bucks on ammo.
I resolve to not spit in my coworkers coffee when I'm sick.
I resolve to stop sending anonomous envelopes containing whitepowder to elected officials.
I resolve to stop watching repo shows (easy)
I resolve to help my neighbors out when then need it. except for that one.
I reslove to stop driving drunk.
I resolve to stop driving over drunks.
I resolve to act more like Danny Glover and less like Crispin Glover.
I resolve to feel the burn.
I resolve to blog about my embelishments.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

On the TV

I am watching The Will on investigation discovery channel. Now, I have been getting a little peeved at some of the channels. Really the ones that sell alien history crap as fact or the ones that sell Nostradamus' prediction or all the doomsday shit. Stop making shit up! I mean really!
So back to The Will. Interesting run down of peoeples lives and the problems surrounding their wills, or lack thereof. Not as good as American Pickers, but pretty good.
American Pickers is awesome. I would love that job. Or a grade school cafeteria cook. Not really. High school, yes. Grade school cooking is for suckers and chumps.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Time cont.

Or how long it will take for anyone to read this blog.


I've been writing a blog since nineteen and forty seven. I remember i started writing when I was a private stationed in England and was an editor for Stars and Stripes. The war was really starting to turn in our favor. I had just gotten the new MacBook and was really excited to start blogging. Up til that point the Army had not allowed blogging. Loose lips and all. I was suprised that they allowed it, but I think they decided that they could watch was was being posted and besides, it's no like someone couldn't just text message important info if someone wanted to send it to the krauts.
What I meant to say is I wonder how long it will take for one of my friends to read my blog. I think I'll keep it quiet for a while.

Monday, December 27, 2010


I woke up this morning with a sore throat. It is the same sore throat I have had for three weeks. This morning though it was worse. I am rarely sick.
I hope this is not going to make up for not being sick for so long. The last time I was really sick I had to have a lung, my spleen, my right eye and a nostril removed. That sucked. It was a rare case of eblola pox. Not really, but I did have a fever of almost a hundred.

Saturday, December 25, 2010


So, I think my family might drink alot. We are sitting down for a family gathering as is typical this time of year when I realize this. I know I live in an area of the country known for it's heavy handed drinking. I've bee to the opening of the gifts morning after the wedding where they tapped a keg. I've seen a twenty year old drink a case (that's 24 cans) of beer and walk, talk an drive himself home as if comepletely sober. I've been to baptisms where they tapped a keg. I've seen bottles (yes plural) of whiskey and brandy go down in a night of friendly four handed sheepshead. Some in my family actually have to stay away from open flames if they are sweating. My uncle had to be rolled like an old tire after he lit a cigarette on a particulary hot evening and you could see him light up with a bunson burner glow when his whiskey sweat went up. Like a blunt blue Fatima apparition. Except in a Schlitz tee shirt and bluejean shorts.
Okay, that last one didn't really happen.


Walter Mitty is my hero.

Friday, December 24, 2010


So it's close to christmas. The day before in fact. Walking down to the convienence store to get milk, I happen upon a package in the snow. Inside is twenty housand dollars in cash. I look around and don't see a soul. I grab the package a take to the street to cover my tracks. I walk casually back home dodging a few cars that are out. I get home and put the package in the basement behind my tool boxes. I sit quietly in the dark house watching the same black Chevy Suburban drive around the block three times. Ten minutes later I see three guys walk up one side of the street and down the other. One seems to be searching more agressively than the others. The one in the most trouble, I'm guessing. Another ten minutes and thy split up, knocking on doors. Any house with the lights on was getting a visit. The most nervous one stand and stares at my house for twenty minutes (five seconds), And moves on. I am gripping the stock of my 30 augt six. I know I'm not in danger. Their presence in my little quiet hood has already brougt too much attention to them and their vehicle. I still sweat. And load. And sweat. Twenty grand doesn't seem like alot of money in the grand scheme of things. Gets some bills paid, couple good nights out, a used car, or a very merry chistmas for one. Someone elses Christmas, not so merry. Probably painful.
I won't watch the news for a week. I don't want to ruin my Christmas with a crying mother or worried siblings. I want my Christmas to be merry. Damn, I still need to get milk.
That didn't really happen. I did find a fiver though and it did pay for my milk.

Thursday, December 23, 2010


So today I am out driving around. Having just welded a newer heavier duty brush guard to the front of my car I thought I should give it a try out. No brush being available, and not really why I put it on, I went to scare Beemer drivers. I start by parking overly close to a 5 series at the coop. The "I buy local by driving my fifty thousand dollar import to the coop" type. I sit in the car pretending not to notice that the driver has to crawl over he passenger seat to gt in. The new brush guard has done it's job. It screams "don't fuck with me! I'm only irritated thus far and anything you say will be incidiary." my flash point and amusement requirements are low.
The follow up is crowding the center line in downtown condoville.
Next is the blatant line cross to get the blood pumping.
Last is the cut-off. The dangerously close call that may or may not have put a seven series into a snow bank and possilby nicking a parked car.
I love my new brush guard.
Things are really looking up.
That didn't happen. I just wanted it to.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

From SUVs to German imports

When everyone was driving big SUVs, I was thinking, WTF? Why would someone drive something so big and put so much money into it every week in gas? So finally, the big vehicle craze is over. However, now German imports seem to be the replacement. I'm torn. I believe when buying something as expensive as a car, and the economy is in the shitter, maybe buy something made in America. Plus Audi and BMW drivers are slow, sloppy, and pretencious. I buy American when I can. I think since I live here, I should try to keep my neighbors working.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Drive angry

So I constantly drive. I used to love driving. I'm good at it. Really good at it. Now I just drive angry. My patience is nil for everyone. If people are not driving like idiots, all they need is time.


This is an attempt that is doomed to fail, I am sure. I like to talk and mildly exaggerate but am not sure I have it in me to keep up with writing. We shall see.