Friday, September 9, 2011

You need to make a list

Before you die you should totally make a list. Really, here's the deal, not a bucket list (see previous post in that). A post death list. You never really know what crazy idea people will come up with after you are dead. Some people think Thais is what a will is for. Dumb. No one wants to listen to a will reading. The only reason people go to will readings is to hear what they got.
The list will need to cover important things like what kind of flowers you like, anything you want to be burned or buried with, turn ons, music choices, etc.. Feel free to tell people what you thought of them. Tell your coworker you always thought they were an idiot. Let your friend know he smoked too much pot. Tell your cousin she is a drunk and a slut and that is why she will never get married. Tell everyone your secrets. No shame once you are dead. Write about the time you threw up in the back of your car or when you flashed your teacher to get a better grade. Let your friend know his breath smells bad or your cousins had sex. You can certainly mention the good things, too. Like your spouse is great in bed (in case they are looking for a date already this might help them out.) or your mom was a good cook or you were always jelous of how good someone's beard looked. Once you are dead you can finally clear the air of the burdenous opinions of life.
Let people know you always hated Steely Dan. Picasso was a hack. Regis Philbin sounds high. Old picture creep you out. Tarintino Was too blatant. Ostriches creep you the fuck out cuz o them weird eyes. Popeyes chicken is better than KFc even though it comes out faster. Generic soda, even though irt sometimes tastes better, is still lame. You thought XTC had one good song. You think Betty White is still hot, you laugh when someone says ball peen hammer.Tee hee. Ben Folds is dull. People want to know these things. Let loose, you're dead.

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