Monday, March 5, 2012

Dumb phone

So,I noticed a crack on the back of my phone. I did what most people with an iPhone would do. I screamed and cried my eyes dry. Then I went to the Apple store. I had to make an appointment. I feel less sad and feel more like an idiot because I am making an appointment to get my phone checked over by a white guy in the 'Genius Bar'. I go to my appointment and the guy says "we really don't fix that. We just have you buy a new one for $149."
They don't fix a cracked back plate. I guess the term genius does not include ingenuity. Or helpfulness. Or wanting to conserve resources. I said that as loud as I could.
Here's something good to know. People who work in stores don't like it when you tell them the problem with their service or product loud enough to inform other customers.
So I said that as loud as I could without screaming. Everyone stops and looks at me. I ask the guy again why I can't get the back of my phone fixed without replacing the whole phone. He asks me to quiet down. So I ask again. And he asks me to quiet down or I will have to leave.
At this point I lean in real close to him and say I'm not leaving without a new back for my phone. He asks me to leave. I stand up. I step up on the chair and up on the counter. Everyone is looking at me. I have an audience.
"Remember the awesome 1984 Apple commercial. The person runs in and throws the torch or whatever it was into the screen? All the faceless grey masses are you." I say.
I turn to the 60 inch tv behind the genius bar counter And throw my iPhone into it. It doesn't explode like it did in the commercial. It broke apart and broke the screen of the tv. Pretty anticlimactic. Until I notice the sprinkler head directly above me.
Water voids the warranty I think to myself as I punch the glass vial. Water comes shooting out as the screaming starts. I quickly jump to the next counter and as I'm running down, I'm hitting every sprinkler head in the store. I get to the end of the counter and jump for the door landing on top of several Apple sheep and we go down in a heap. I jump off the top and help a few people up. I look back inside and pull the doors closed as the last customer gets out. I pull my belt off and tie the doors shut. The geniuses are running around trying to protect product.
I turn to the crowd behind me.
I say "I hear the new androids are nice." and walk away.

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