Monday, October 8, 2012

scry it, you'll like it.

Have you ever tried scrying? You know, looking into a piece of mirror or a crystal ball? I was reading about some asshat religious dude that was having visions about the end times, presumably to make some extra cash, and I thought I would give it a try.
Let me say here that I have never tried scrying and have been doubtful of it's use to tell the future or tell anything about anything. I was resigned to give it an honest try. I found a apiece of mirror and a couple candles. I found a bit of transparent cloth and draped it over the mirror so I could make out my form but not my reflection. I lit some incense and the candles. To help the process I dropped six hits of acid took two ecstasy and liked some Central American frogs. I then put on Tubular Bells, turned off the lights and got to staring.  
     It didn't take long for me to get to the visions.
    The first thing I saw was a vision of a church. It was dark abandoned and foreboding. In front of it was a man walking slowly toward me. He was telling me I should buy a George Foreman Grill. I can only assume this meant the end of the world was nigh.
   The next vision I had  contained a large tentacled statue forty or 50 feet high. it was either something from Cthulu or the Flying Spaghetti Monster and standing in front of it was H. P. Lovecraft or Bob Barker, I'm not sure which. That may sound weird, but in real life I can't tell them apart. H. P. Barkercraft had a quail on his head and was wearing lederhosen. I took this to mean the apocalypse was at hand.
  My next vision was of a My Little Pony, one from the new cartoon, not the old ones, the new ones are way cooler and incorporate a rather sophisticated humor at times compared to the old ones that were way more Hannah-Barbera with shitty scripts. You know what I mean, right? Oh, so anyway, the pony was racing around looking for some restraints and talking about getting back to the castle dungeon before her captive escaped the ropes because they just weren't strong enough.  She was worried that whatever it was would destroy the world with its evil. I could hear it screaming from the depths of the castle from where I stood outside the castle gates. Bloodcurdling howls of pure rage and spite. The ground rumbled and my chest pounded from the creature pounding the ground under it. The creature within was breaking free. Other Ponies inside were waging a horrific battle to keep it contained. By the sounds within I could tell it was a losing battle. The rumble was getting louder and louder. The creature was free and lumbering toward the gates. The gates and the wall around were bulging with the strain of the creature pushing out, pushing for freedom of itself and for the oppression of everything free in the world.
  I snapped out of this vision knowing what I had to do. I don't know why I hadn't thought of it before. I will start my OWN My Little Pony  bondage fan fic site. I will call it Visit often.
This scrying thing is awesome!

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