King Tut

I went and saw the King Tut exhibit at our local science museum. They wouldn't allow any photographs. I found that odd. I walked through to the very end looking at everything closely. Then i went back and put my camera on continuous shot so it took pictures every second and walked through with my camera duct taped to my head. i put a mummy toe on the shutter button and taped over that. I don't think anyone noticed. Except security. I have been walked out of places before and it is really only mildly embarrassing getting hauled out of a museum by security. This time however, it was more than a little embarrassing  for every one. at first they asked me to walk with them,which I did. right up to the point we got to the tiny sarcophaguses that held the organs. At this point I hip checked one rent-a-cop and bum rushed the other. Arms crossed in front of me I drove him into a calcite jar used to hold oil. It didn't break till it hit the foot of the ahmenhotep statue. I ran toward the exit giving a good push to a museum worker and stiff arming another. I broke out of the exhibit into the cheesy gift shop filled with Tut hats and knockoff necklaces. Slid into a display of stuffed mummy dolls and careened into the open air of the general exhibits. I broke for the stairs and managed to get to the main floor where I encountered the first real resistance. Four rent-a-cops and a squad pulling up out front. I realized then I was less than a block from the Ramsey County (true! It is Ramsey county. Not a play on Ramses.) courthouse and police station. I was gonna run out of time fast. There was an emergency exit to my right and made for it. I hauled it to the door and hit it hard. The alarm went off and I was into the open air! Shit! I was on the observation deck overlooking the Mississippi river. Obviously everyone knew this but me. I came out at the far end of the deck. Away from the stairs down. Away from what I thought at the time was the only course to freedom. However,a quick look to my left showed me a way out. About twenty feet away and down was a large grain silo looking structure. I didn't care what it was or what was in it. It was close and it had steps going down along the side. Like I said, it's a twenty foot horizontal and twenty foot vertical jump. So I ran a big of a circle as I could to gain momentum. I was headed for the railing, a conveniently placed bench about a bound away, up the bench, another step up to the rail and flight!
Now what really happened is I took out my camera just to switch pockets and one of the staff politelty reminded me of no photography. I said thanks and enjoyed a nice glass of wine in the lobby before I left.

What the hell is my neighbor doing?

What the hell? My neighbor is making a lot of noise and it is starting to bug me. Go over there and find out what they are up to, would you?

Citizen Band

So I dug out an old CB radio and decided to fire it up. I was suprised to hear actual conversation. People still use this form of communication! There should be an app for that. The only reason I could think of for using a CB was in the event of a zombie apocalypse. Everyone on it talks about cops, traffic, or hemmoroids.
Breaker one nine- this is Crazy Cootie lettin' you know there's a bear in the air at mile marker 134 north bound 94.
Hey Crazy Cootie- this is Monkey Spanker Jr.- thanks for the heads up!
Breaker two one- breaker two one- this is Garden Gnome rollin up on a chow and cow. Smokin' tire and breakin' wind.
Breaker three six- this here's Fat Chicker and Table Cloth Two pullin' a load of squirrelly wax and forced impact to Clevland. Anyone got a recipe for crepes? Come back.
All I want to hear is "Help us! Zombies are everywhere!"
Whatever. Stupid CB.

Feel free

Feel free to comment on any of these posts. Really.

pretend this post is, like six motnths after the last one. And read the previous one first if you haven't already.

So I started a bakery business in a small town in Minnesota as a cover for robbing the bank next door.. My plan worked perfectly! Six moths ago i bought a defunct bakery. I employed two associates to help with this 'business'. In a small town, starting a bakery isn't hard. We pulled some recipes from America's Test Kitchen cookbook and went to work. This gave us the great excuse of working late at night to early in the morning without arousing any suspicion.
The bank was small, but there was a gaming casino close by, so therewas a pretty healthy reserve of cash on hand. We went to work on he wall ajoining the vault with acid. Weakening the wall with acid made the stone crumble easily without making noise. Once we hit the vault wall we continued with a torch to heat small areas thereby weakening the steel and then once again using the acid to eat away slowly. Tapping lightly on the wall could give you an idea of how thick the remaining steel was.
We worked on this for five months. The fumes from the acid were blown out with the fumes from our deep friers. It covered up the caustic smell with the yummy smell of deep fried doughnuts. We carefully planned our heist to coincide with a large casino event wherethey would have one million dollars in cash on display. The night before the event the cash would be in the vault and surrounded by guards.
The big night came. We had been wekening the steel with heat for the last week and it was soft enough that a good final acid bath would get us through the last quarter inch with a hole big enough to almost walk through. After the vault was closed for the nigt and time locked, we go started. We pumped the acid through a pump to create a waterfall effect of metal disolving goodness. Two hours later we were looking on one million in nicely wrapped bundles for carrying. We shuttled the money into our delivery carts along with an additional two hundred thousand plus and right into our awaiting delivery truck. A full four hours of travel time before the time lock would pop open to reveal a vault rather empty of money but with the addition of twenty dozen freshly made doughnuts.

Thoughts on robbing banks

Everytime I walk into a bank, the firt thing I do is check out the security. Now, I've never robbed a bank, but it does seem tempting. I usually walk in with my head down, looking for sensors and infared and seeing if the floor gives slightly for a pressure sensor. I really don't bother looking for cameras. They are everywhere and any thief worth their salt will cover the face enough to not be recognized or be facial reconition scanned.
I realize there are two things you need to do if you want to rob a bank during the day (I would not do this myself because the risk is too great and the payoff will not be alot) first, have a plan for inside the bank down to the amount of time spent in the bank. Second, have a flawless getaway. I mean flawless. No diving around town trying to switch cars and crap. Too much risk.
I would try a night time robbery. Extra time, no people, easier getaway. Plus you can sell the movie rights later. It has to be good though. Like dig through from the unerside of yank a wall off the vault. I think I would pick a bank in a moderately small town for starters. Low security, plenty of room to run. Do a dig through from an empty store front next door, grab the money quick, pop a few safety deposit boxes and hit the road. Maybe wintertime so I could make an exciting snowmobile getaway. Take off through town, get on a frozen river to a waiting car parked in an obscure area. Take the car to a main road, swing into a rest stop where I have another car waiting to hit the road.
Not that I've thought about this. Just every time I go into a bank.

Putting on some miles

So I've been doing some travelling. Nothing kills imagination like an ass numbing drive. Sure it's fun to sing loud to the songs, do some chair dancing with the cruise on, hand puppets for the kids in the backseat of the car next to you, kegal exersises, jigsaw puzzles, but after a while you get a little road hypnotized.
Now that I'm home fo a bit, it's time to get some of the creativity squeezed out.