Today is my yearly evaluation at work. I have decided to take the offensive this year. Instead of being complacent and accepting what I am told about my performance as a dutiful worker, I'm going in, guns blazing. I gonna start every sentence with either "You know what your problem is?" or "And how is that my fault?"
I'll let you know how it goes.
My review went well. Here is one thing I learned. When they have a criticism, turn it around on them. Project not done in a timely manner? Well, management did not give you the proper tools to finish it on time. Something didn't work right? Obviously lack of maintenance played a big role. You punched a coworker? Obviously management didn't catch the warning signs to prevent it. You've stolen 100,000 bucks from a client? Um, maybe, um...oh, they wouldn't cover your gambling addiction with the second rate health care they provide you with. Follow that one up with a lawsuit. I finished my review off with a claim of religious discrimination. I'm an atheist so I went with "every time I sneeze I am subjected to a blessing from some god! I will not tolerate it!"
I ended up with a raise, an extra week of vacation and a new boss...me!