Tuesday, May 3, 2011


So all the birther crap got me thinking about my ancestry. Luckily I know my ancestral line going back quite a way. We could start with apes, but that is pretty uninteresting for a lot of it. Except for the one who accidentally invented a comb. Nicest looking coat on any primate ancestor for twenty thousand years. Just beautiful. Sigh.
So, onto the ones I know are interesting. Mumod the robe maker fitted Gilgamesh his first robe. 2560bce-   Hoplip the flattend, crushed by a stone working on Khufu's pyramid at Giza. Famous because he survived being flattened with one arm up and one arm back in a walking position. Became a supermodel for heiroglyphics carving for the next twenty years. 2000bce. Jimbob the doubter, when Moses came down the mountain with the burning bush story, he was the one coughing "cou-bullshit-gh, ahem. Sorry, something in my throat. Did you see our golden cow? Nice, right.".
  33ce. Vito the stone roller. Roman guard known for the now famous practical joke of rolling tomb stones aside an tossing the body in the shrubs claiming "He just walked away! That way I think! You better go after him! Snicker.".
  1459 Johannes Enmelichtment Grutenberg. Invented moveable type t-shirt printing press. First shirt read "Ich bin mit dämlich." with an arrow. Classic. Previously only available in Latin, screen printed in one color.
  1776 Signing of the Declaration of Independence- N. Melish Scratchington signs his name, then draws a cock and balls with an arrow pointing to Edward Rutlidge. It is quickly erased along with his name, but if you hold it up to the light you can still see it.
It's easy to find this stuff, too. All I did was raid the Mormon's secret ancestry hide out. They have everyone's lineage. I have to get back to digging into my past. I'll post more as I find more.

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